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“[The fated warrior] is the champion who heads into battle fully aware that doom awaits him at the end…While those in the grip of Christ’s love will never experience ultimate defeat, there is a profound sense in which we must face our struggles now knowing there may be no real relief this side of God’s new creation. We may wrestle with a particular weakness all our lives. But the call remains: Go into battle.” — Wesley Hill

Thank you for viewing my blog. I have walked the path to the Cross, and I have seen the One who is bloodstained with the sin I was supposed to bare. With Him I have fallen in love, and with Him I have died–and in spirit, with Him I have risen. I am now a follower of Jesus Christ and am forever in His service. I believe my Lord-the Truth, the Light of the world-has risen and has begun the building of His kingdom. He has charged his followers to be ambassadors to carry out His word and proclaim His love and truth to all the world.

We are also charged with keeping His Promised pure and holy. Once I died and rose with Him, I became a citizen of His kingdom, and am no longer a citizen of this world. His words are clear: “Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage against your soul” (1 Peter 2:11). We are foreigners in this land, pilgrims who are traveling to another more glorious country, and must be prepared.

However, this road we travel, along with joys, is also full of trials, heartache, and pain. I have before me a path on which I must bear my cross. There is a particular cross that I carry–

I am gay, and I am celibate.

I have desires that I want to pursue for other men, but because I believe my Lord does not allow such pursuits, I try to live my life to what I believe is in accordance with His word. Many times I fail. This road has brought me heartache, and it has brought me pain. I know loneliness. I have lived with fear, and I have lived with the agony of not being able to express my sexual desires, desires I believe to be an important part in what makes us human. I have been wounded. I have fallen into the depths of despondency and despair, and there were even times that death crept into the inner sanctions of my mind.

But It is in these times where my Lord has reached out His hand to grab mine. It is in these times I believed in the promise of my Lord, and I have cried out to Him. It is during these times, under stress and affliction, my Lord has renewed my strength and faith to continue to walk on this narrow path. Then, I have  known joy, hope, and love.  I know the love of friendships, and I know the beauty of His world.

Wesley Hill  in his book Washed and Waiting, writes of the fated warrior, a figure who stands face to face with pain and death. Yet the warrior, knowing full well he may die, still takes up his sword. He walks to his fate willingly. This, I believe, is the Christian life. We each have to bare a cross, and we each must go through our own fire. But we are not alone. We have the One who has created the heavens and the earth, who has conquered sin and death, and who will make all things new. And we have brothers and sisters who are walking with us along the way.

This blog is meant to chronicle some of my journey on this road, and share my thoughts and life. It is also my hope to encourage those foreign pilgrims, those wanderers, to continue the journey in faithfulness to our King, even in the midst of heartache, persecution, and pain. We are fated warriors, destined to fall in this life, but in the end will rise again, and rise with all the glory and wonder of the One who has gone before us. And on that day, Halleluiah!

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